Psychological theory says there are four classical styles of forming attachments. That means how one develops relationships. Based on which style you fall into, forms the basis for all of your interpersonal connections. I just want to say a disclaimer that none of them are "better" than the other or the next one, but healing your underlying wounds may help you develop healthier boundaries, attachments and relationships.
SECURE
This is the connection style that most people
strive to obtain. When you form secure connections it means you are happy, healthy, and
secure in your relationships. You don't have a constant need for validations, you don't continually stress out about being abandoned, and you don't necessarily push people away. This attachment style is the most compatible and has the ability to form healthy attachments with the other attachment styles and of course with others with a secure attachment style.
AVOIDANT
An avoidant attachment style makes one seemingly unavailable. They avoid intimacy, close connection and most of the time distance themselves purposefully.
This is different from a narcissist. However, if you wish to compare a dynamic it would be effective to compare the Narcissist/Empath dynamic to an Avoidant/Anxious attachment style dynamic.
The avoidant avoids the intimacy, almost out of fear of getting close to another, while the anxious attachment style person pushes for more and is severely affected by the avoidant avoiding that.
ANXIOUS
An individual who attaches anxiously seems to have some type of deep seeded insecurity
that needs healed. They attach in a way that appears to be pure desperation, especially in
their own selves.
At their core, they fear abandonment and betrayal to the point of clinging to something so intensely it really only brings them, themselves to a point of panic attacks, exhaustion and self sabotage in the form of constantly working to prevent some type of imagined betrayal and actually manifesting what that which they fear the most.
A characteristic I have noticed in these people that prolong their suffering is not voicing their needs or repressing their voice. This is one of the most damaging traits of this type of attachment style. Many times, they truly believe if they are assertive about their needs, it only leads to abandonment. And this is something that hurts them so much.
The best advice I can give to the sufferer forming anxious attachments is: the more energy of any sort that you release or put out into the world is what you are growing.. What you are creating.
ANXIOUS-AVOIDANT, DISORGANIZED or INSECURE
This one is almost like the polar opposite, in a sense, of a secure attachment style. There's not a constant way these individuals have stuck to. Maybe this has to deal with not securing
a way to get the response they are looking for or need out of someone. One minute they are anxiously attaching
themselves out of fear, and the next seemly they are avoiding a connection out of fear as well.
To me, it's almost like these individuals are lacking a root so they are just all over the place trying this way or that way to have something to feel like they're not there one minute and completely dissolved the next.
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I hope everyone enjoyed this post and can learn and heal from it :).
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